He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
