I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
