just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
