I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
