y did u give ur computer a hand job?
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
