apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
no. you can't hotbox the world.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
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