just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Randomize
