i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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