clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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