Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
