the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Randomize
