he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
