Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
