she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
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