I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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