Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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