Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Randomize
