I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Be still, my beating vagina.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
