I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
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