her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
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