i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
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