Have you finally orgasmed yet?
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize
