he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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