be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
I deserve this hangover.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
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