My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Randomize
