Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
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