I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
