you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
