wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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