i barfeds in our rink
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
