Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Randomize
