i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
