the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
I think I won the penis lottery.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
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