ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
