I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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