you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Randomize
