Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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