oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Randomize
