guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
