maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
