The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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