It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
