but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Randomize
