why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize
