Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
