and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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