Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
