Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Randomize
