She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
