So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Randomize
