he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
thus making me awesome and them whores
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
