I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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