Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
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