Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
