If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
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