and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Randomize
