Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Randomize
