Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
home. puking in laundry basket.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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