Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
