i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Randomize
