i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
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