Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
