i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Randomize
