Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
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