Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
Four minutes until I can fart!
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
