A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
