dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
