Whatcha textin bout Willis?
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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