he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
