Dual....:-)
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
