he thought i was a dude.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
