I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
