This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Randomize
