something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
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