How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
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