'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
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